WHEN SOCIALISATION FEELS RISKY

 “When Socialisation Feels Risky: A Parent’s Guide to Supporting Children”

Owi, my grandson, has been attending nursery for the past 3 months. He loves his teachers, caretakers, and his preschool. However, he struggles with drop-offs and cries his heart out when dropped off at the nursery. Similarly, when he is in a social setting, such as a birthday party, in a grocery store, or at a family get-together, he gets anxious, overwhelmed, or upset and sticks to adults he is familiar with.

I am sure many children are facing the same issue – finding it challenging to adjust to social situations. It takes them quite a long time to get accustomed to the new situation, and it can be painful for the parents to watch their children struggle with adjustments. Parents would love to wave the magic wand and make all their children’s struggles vanish, all at once. Unfortunately, they can’t. The truth is–“Socialisation is Risky”–a lesson learned by children at a very young age.

Social interaction is important for learning through imitation, communication, building relationships, handling everyday challenges that arise from non-interaction, making friends, and playing. Challenges with social skills can adversely affect a child’s emotional and personal well-being, confidence, and academic performance. Hence, it becomes incumbent on parents to understand the causes behind these and ways to support their children. Along with these tips, parents should portray positive patience coupled with optimism.

Parents need to identify the root cause and work towards eliminating it. It could be separation, meeting new children, big groups, or fear of the unknown. The most effective strategy is to empower your child with knowledge of the unknown.

Possible Causes:

1.      Delayed Communication development: Children with delayed speech, difficulty processing language, or neurodevelopmental conditions such as autism may find it hard to respond appropriately in social situations.

2.      Trouble picking up social cues: Nuances of social interactions, such as reading facial expressions, understanding the tone in a conversation, and recognising humour or criticism, make a person socially and emotionally intelligent. Children who fail to notice these nuances may find social interaction awkward, confusing, and challenging.

3.      Social reticence, stress, and uneasiness:  Shyness, introversion, or anxiety in social settings can arise from fear of rejection, being judged, or difficulty initiating conversations.

4.      Trouble controlling emotions: Children who struggle with emotional regulation may show frequent tantrums, difficulty calming down, trouble sharing or taking turns, low frustration tolerance, giving up easily, or physical signs of stress such as pacing or throwing objects.

5.      Fewer opportunities to practice social skills: Children with limited opportunities for social interactions—due to restricted child-led play, over-reliance on adult-led activities, or little say in decision-making—may have difficulties developing social skills.

Remedies:

1.      Be a good role model: Children learn through imitation. Parents are their first role models. Modelling appropriate social behaviour can be an effective tool.

a.      Encourage empathy: Empathy is understanding another’s feelings. For children to become good peers and friends, empathy underpins their social behaviour. When a problem arises, speak your thoughts aloud to your child. This will help his understanding of empathy. For example, “I see that your friend dropped his ice cream, and now he looks really disappointed. I remember how you felt when your balloon popped—you were sad too. What could you do to help him feel a little better?”

b.     Have your own level of stress tolerance: Parents need to be aware of how much stress they can handle without reacting negatively, because their emotional state strongly affects how they respond to a child. Having your own stress tolerance means knowing your limits, managing your reactions, and modeling calm, patient behavior—which creates a safer and more supportive environment for a child learning social skills.

c.      Model active listening: While talking to your child, make eye contact, listen attentively, and show that you are equally interested in talking to him/her by responding appropriately.

d.     Model good communication skills: Greet people warmly, show respect, ask questions, respond politely, wait for your turn to speak, and use the magic words-‘thankyou’, ‘sorry’, ‘please’, and ‘excuse me’.

2.      Encourage group participation: Provide opportunities for your child to interact with peers. Enroll your child in group activities such as sports, swimming, play dates, and music lessons.

3.      Reinforce with kindness and encouragement: Recognize positive social behaviour and reward it so that the child feels encouraged and continues to do so.

a.      Highlight and reward positive actions: Let your child enjoy the fruit of his positive actions. Praise his efforts and talk about them to all so that the child feels special and loves the positive actions, in turn resulting in such attention and praise.

b.     Motivation over Coercion: Celebrate small achievements and every step towards betterment. This will help build confidence in your child and motivate him to interact more.

c.      Provide guidance and options: If your child is still struggling with social skills, offer options to your child. For example, if a child grabs a toy instead of asking, you might gently say: “Try saying, 'Can I play with that when you’re finished?” If a child interrupts, you could remind:
“Let’s wait until your friend finishes talking, then you can share your idea.”

4.      Do not shame the child: Focus on the action and not on the child’s identity or worth. Avoid language that makes the child feel bad about who they are; instead, guide them to understand what behavior needs to change. Keep the tone calm, supportive, and respectful. Even small criticisms can feel overwhelming and discourage them from trying again. For example: If a shy child hides behind you instead of greeting someone, don’t say, “Don’t be rude, say hello!” instead, try saying, “It looks like you’re feeling a little shy. You can just wave for now, and we’ll practice saying hello together later.”

Remember, every child develops at their own pace. Don’t feel isolated or discouraged when you see other children effortlessly making friends—your child’s social skills will grow with patience, guidance, and support.